Sunday, 10 June 2012

Things I Learned From My Students #11: Procrastination

What better time for a blog post than when I should be writing a statement of application for an internal vacancy? My A2 students have their Unit 4 exam this coming Friday, so I should think there are 15 alpabetised sock drawers in west London, as an indicator of the amount of procrastination taking place. Anyway, here are some pearls of wisdom to pass on to you.
  1. Apparently it's entirely normal to e-mail your biology lecturer Led Zeppelin lyrics at 3am on a Saturday morning.
  2. Yet apparently it's not an achievable task to e-mail your biology lecturer the outstanding coursework at 3am on a Saturday morning.
  3. There's no point committing a long name like Cedrus libani to memory when you can just call it Big Crazy Tree Mudafuuuu.
  4. It's impossible to memorise three Latin names for plants, but perfectly reasonable to memorise the first and last names of the entire Polish football team.
  5. No matter how awful a student's home life is, they are always thankful that their name is not Melvin Calvin.
  6. Barnacles deserve maximum respect.
  7. Hangovers really aren't conducive to starting the first part of the A2 biology syllabus, and may result in the bunking off of the afternoon's physics lesson.
  8. If you're a teenage boy, every round object resembles breasts, and every long object resembles a penis.
  9. When doing an experiment to measure the volume (and therefore density) of an irregular object, some joker always asks if they can measure the volume of their penis.
  10. These jokers don't like it if you hand them a 10ml measuring cylinder.
  11. There is no such thing as bad weather; only inappropriate clothing. And boy, is there inappropriate clothing for fieldwork...
  12. Kitten heels are not great footwear for a trip round a plant nursery.
  13. Until such time as I can train my lab pelargoniums to do a dance routine to "Somebody That I Used To Know", my students will never be truly interested in plants.
  14. The level of disgust expressed at being defaecated on by a giant millipede should never be underestimated.
  15. Millipedes have "too many legs".
  16. The word "bodman" apparently means "condom".
  17. It's perfectly acceptable to refer to your female teacher as "Bro" or "Bruv".
  18. I may need to wear lower-cut tops if my students are confused about my gender.
  19. Flapjacks really are very well received pre-exam sustenance.
  20. The Marmoset Song exists. Thank you. I mean it. Really.


  1. MischievousBastard12 June 2012 at 09:34

    Sorry for the marmosets. Here, I found something you might actually appreciate instead:

    1. Oh I appreciated the marmosets. I just can't get the little buggers out of my head...

  2. Great list, I thoroughly enjoyed it. By the way, I am the guy who just found out howl long millipedes can get on twitter. May you have many more years of joy in the classroom.


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