The e-mails I send my A2 students in particular are legendary. I specialise in remote bollockings, dripping with sarcasm. I usually share them with colleagues by copying them in, or send them over to Paul for some light entertainment. But it occurred to me - I should really share some of them with my readers so you can see what my poor long-suffering students have to put up with... Major identifying points are redacted. Other than that, I've channelled Malcolm Tucker a bit, though without the swears.
Hi all,
Welcome (back) to A2 Biology. Your classes with me will be on Wednesday afternoons and Friday mornings in REDACTED. Check your timetables via REDACTED as soon as you can, however, as some changes have been made. If you cannot check your timetable, then come in to College tomorrow morning after 10am and I will be able to print your timetable for you. It is also the Freshers Fair, which REDACTED compared to match.com in her welcome speech, so you will no doubt wish to come and survey the Fresh Meat in any case from about 11am.
Some important things you need to know for next week:
Test
I need to start testing you all right from the start. To "encourage" you to refresh your memory for what was covered before the holiday, you will have a 30-minute test on biotic and abiotic factors, niches and habitats, and how to investigate the ecology of an area. This will be on Friday 14th September.
Twitter
There are 18 of you in this class. This is the largest A2 class I have ever taught, by quite a large margin. With the best intention in the world, this means that I can give about half the amount of individual attention to each of you that I was able to give the class of 2011. As such, it will be mandatory for you to sign up for a Twitter account at http://twitter.com and follow my account @BioLecturer. I will add you to a list but not follow you back – this prevents us from sending private messages but means I can follow up questions about the subject matter out of hours (though the quality of my responses may be variable if it's a Friday night at the REDACTED). I will book laptops for you to do this in the last part of your lesson on Wednesday 12th September, but if you already tweet or if you can set up an account beforehand, then please do so, follow me and identify yourself (since a twitter handle like @princesssexykitten69 could be ANY of you).
Resits
Most of you will wish to resit one unit at least for AS. My recommendation is, if you want to do both Unit 1 (6BI01) and Unit 2 (6BI02), you may want to consider doing Unit 2 in January and saving Unit 1 for June. Unit 2 links in nicely with Unit 4 (6BI04), which you will be sitting in January anyway, and it is ridiculously easy to do Unit 1 at the end of A-levels. REDACTED will sort out resit forms for full-time students, but part-timers may want to come to the staffroom next week and ask for a form. You will need my permission…
Coursework
I said before the summer that any student with a burning desire to do a lab-based practical for Unit 6 (6BI06) should come back this term armed with a decent plan – that means something that can be done in a lab with reagents and equipment that are relatively easy to obtain. If your experiment requires gold-plated agar or the tears of a unicorn, the lab technicians are unlikely to be able to order it in time. I'm prepared to extend the deadline for this to half-term, otherwise you'll be punted out to REDACTED for three days in February.
See you next week. Come in prepared to work your arses off.
Hi all,
Welcome (back) to A2 Biology. Your classes with me will be on Wednesday afternoons and Friday mornings in REDACTED. Check your timetables via REDACTED as soon as you can, however, as some changes have been made. If you cannot check your timetable, then come in to College tomorrow morning after 10am and I will be able to print your timetable for you. It is also the Freshers Fair, which REDACTED compared to match.com in her welcome speech, so you will no doubt wish to come and survey the Fresh Meat in any case from about 11am.
Some important things you need to know for next week:
Test
I need to start testing you all right from the start. To "encourage" you to refresh your memory for what was covered before the holiday, you will have a 30-minute test on biotic and abiotic factors, niches and habitats, and how to investigate the ecology of an area. This will be on Friday 14th September.
There are 18 of you in this class. This is the largest A2 class I have ever taught, by quite a large margin. With the best intention in the world, this means that I can give about half the amount of individual attention to each of you that I was able to give the class of 2011. As such, it will be mandatory for you to sign up for a Twitter account at http://twitter.com and follow my account @BioLecturer. I will add you to a list but not follow you back – this prevents us from sending private messages but means I can follow up questions about the subject matter out of hours (though the quality of my responses may be variable if it's a Friday night at the REDACTED). I will book laptops for you to do this in the last part of your lesson on Wednesday 12th September, but if you already tweet or if you can set up an account beforehand, then please do so, follow me and identify yourself (since a twitter handle like @princesssexykitten69 could be ANY of you).
Resits
Most of you will wish to resit one unit at least for AS. My recommendation is, if you want to do both Unit 1 (6BI01) and Unit 2 (6BI02), you may want to consider doing Unit 2 in January and saving Unit 1 for June. Unit 2 links in nicely with Unit 4 (6BI04), which you will be sitting in January anyway, and it is ridiculously easy to do Unit 1 at the end of A-levels. REDACTED will sort out resit forms for full-time students, but part-timers may want to come to the staffroom next week and ask for a form. You will need my permission…
Coursework
I said before the summer that any student with a burning desire to do a lab-based practical for Unit 6 (6BI06) should come back this term armed with a decent plan – that means something that can be done in a lab with reagents and equipment that are relatively easy to obtain. If your experiment requires gold-plated agar or the tears of a unicorn, the lab technicians are unlikely to be able to order it in time. I'm prepared to extend the deadline for this to half-term, otherwise you'll be punted out to REDACTED for three days in February.
See you next week. Come in prepared to work your arses off.
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